Spyin' Kop: Liverpool V West 'aaaammmmmm my son...

Posted by Hinesy on March 2, 2008, 10:44:40 PM

Will the real Liverpool please stand up. In a 4-2-3-1 formation it would seem... (Rafa's been on Countdown, "Carol pleeese select 4 numbres for me senorita")

Last week we beat Middlesbrough 3-2 and Bolton (finally) at theirs, 3-1. So naturally we'll beat West Ham 42-0...

Well Markitravis on the site recently said
"We'll probably get turned over by Barnsley in the FA cup and then put one over Inter 4 days later knowing our luck."

So knowing our luck we'll lose 5-4 to the Hammers in the last minute as the ghost of Teddy Sheringham pops up and knocks one in..

Anyway Markinostradamus was right, and they say a week in politics is a long time, well at our club these days, three days is an epoch... By the time the match is played, we'll have signed Buffon as a striker, and DIC, B&H or MFI will own most of us, whilst Tom Hicks will be part owned by the Sirloins of Lambshanks or the Minions of Moran or something...

Well lordy me, there's too many mutterings and grumblings round here, time for a bit o lightness, and what better way to make us smile than to invite West Ham Utd to Anfield for a spot of footy. Sadly I'm in a cheeky mood so apologies to those looking for the usual high standards of the Spyin' Kop...

Anyway its our game in hand! Finally we'll be heading the table, finally we'll cash in the extra points and finally see where we really are in the table, (obviously most fans being unable to gauge our position by adding 3 points, 1 point, or not adding at all...) But on a cold Wednesday night in early March, here come the bad boys of London, Bowyer, Bellamy,  loyal Lucre Neil ("I'm not in it for the money honest guv, right £10 for that quote")

Questions questions...

Will Rafa play one up front?
Can Curbs look anymore like Charlie Brown?
Will anyone care?
Will Bubbles get fed up of being blown?
Does Michael Jackson care?
Does anyone think of the children? 
Should I not drink before doing these?
What do the Hammer's fans think?
Dear Reader, I asked them...

West Ham United

Major Honours

European Cup Winners' Cup Winners: 1964-65
UEFA Intertoto Cup Winners: 1999

Division Two Champions: 1957-1958, 1980-81
International Soccer League (1960-1965) Champions: 1963

Football League Championship Play-Off Winners: 2005

Western Football League Champions 1907/8

FA Cup Winners: 1964, 1975, 1980 (but not 2006...)

Charity Shield: 1964 (shared)

Football League War Cup Winners: 1940

Milk Cup Winners: 1996 (Junior) & 1997 (Junior)

and most importantly:

BBC Sports Personality of the Year Team Award: 1965

A massive thank you to Gordon from KUMB (Knees Up Mother Brown) at kumb.com for answering in a record time, and for taking my questions in good humour. Good man. Also to 'Romford' from KUMB for his answers too. And finally to Marcus6, RAWK's very own tame Hammer for taking the time to answer.

I should note that these were all answered before Saturday when West Ham lost 4-0 to Chelsea whilst gaining a consolation sending off of their favourite sons, Frankly Lampooned a lot.

1.How's the season going so far - are you where you expected to be right now or did you expect Alan to recreate the heady days of a few years ago and keep you higher up the table?

Gordon: We’re where I hoped we’d be. After all the trauma of last year we needed a period of stability and given the ridiculous injury situation we’ve had this year 10th is a decent showing. It’s next season – with a full squad – that I’d be looking to push further up the table.

Romford: Its been a very "un West Ham" season. Curbs has worked on stopping goals and defending from the front which hasn't endeared him to the natives. To be honest...its worked and we have more points than i expected but i don't travel up and down the country to watch us nick a goal on the break. We have had terrible luck with injuries BUT i don't think the players we bought in had perfect service histories and our medical team has hardly painted itself with glory bringing players back too early.

marcus6 :After last season, I said all along that I would be perfectly happy with mid-table, and that's where we are. After relegation battles, promotion fights and the cup final, I'd rather just relax for a season!

2.Who do you think has been your most important player(s) this season so far

Gordon: Matthew Upson has been outstanding all year and deserves his England spot and Robert Green deserves to be alongside him. Anton Ferdinand has also impressed since his brush with the law.

Romford: The whole of the defence has been solid as have the midfield. Carlton Cole has gone from a muppet to marvellous playing amazingly well in the 4-5-1 formation that has been most fruitful. Rob Green not being in the England squad is a travesty.

marcus6 :The whole defence, and Green have been outstanding. Green's saved 4 penalties, and that's kept us in those games, so he's got to be up there.

3.And your worst player(s)?

Gordon: Ashton has struggled to regain his pre-injury form but I suspect he might have been eased back in more gently had all our strikers been fit. If I had to pick someone it’d probably be Henry Camara whose loan spell can’t finish soon enough for us and I suspect for him.

Romford: If Ljundberg and Boa Morte were having a kick about in my garden id close the curtains.

marcus6 :Ashton. I'm fortunate enough not to have claret and blue tinted glasses, and I can be realistic. He's meant to be our big man in the air but he doesn't jump. He barely jogs, never mind run. The excuse of him 'getting over his injury' is wearing thin. If it takes him nearly a season to get fit, he shouldn't be a footballer.

Boa Morte's been disappointing too.

4. Like us, you've been bought out by foreign money but at least Eggy turned up at the games, who owns you now eggsactly and how's that going?

Gordon: Bjorgolfur Gudmunsson (BG for obvious reasons) has always held the vast majority of the shares and he bought out Eggy’s 5% last year so he now has 100% control. He keeps a lower profile than Eggy and, rumour has it, a much tighter rein on the purse strings. After years of having T Brown at the helm it’s an improvement but it’s early days yet.

Romford: The Guvnor has a very long name which i wont even try to spell but he's known as BG. Eggy was only really a front man and he got outed after we received a name for paying top dollar. Funnily as was shown with Lucas coming here it was proved wrong (and your fella Rick Parry was shown to be a lying disgrace again...we haven't forgot Diouf spitting). Unlike yourselves, we were a very poorly run club before BGs arrival so we are on cloud nine.

marcus6 :Bjorguffson (Definately wrong spelling, but it's his own fault for not having a practical surname) has always owned us. Eggy only owned about 5 - 10% of us, but was leading the way because the real bloke had other commitments which are now resolved. Hence Eggy stepping down now. Although I do miss him slapping his head when we score.

5. Are you fan of Curbs, or is your enthusiasm waning with ol Al? In my honest opinion West Ham should be playing in the top flight division so how far can Curbs take you? - the North Circular, far side of Wembley or through the Chunnel into Europe?

Gordon: Personally, I’ll admit to a few concerns. He did extremely well to keep us up and the aforementioned stability he’s brought this year is much appreciated. Ok he’s had a nightmare on the injury front but I have a suspicion that he doesn’t have much time for the more creative type of player – he didn’t kick up too much of a fuss over the illegal tapping up of Benayoun for example. I’ll reserve full judgement for when he has a full squad to pick from but I think Europe may be a job for someone else in the future.

Romford: Jurys still out big time...I think we need to find some middle ground with the defence attacking the flanks and using the whole pitch. I understand why he has done what he has but now we are safe i'd like to see us expand our game.

marcus6 :Well, he always 'almost' got there with Charlton, so there's no reason why he can't do it with us, especially now he actually has some money behind him. Only concern is that he doesn't really seem to look to buy from outside of England, Faubert excluded.

Although, Di Canios comments about wanting to manage us seem interesting...

6.What sort of line-up do you expect he will set up against us?

Gordon: It’ll depend on who’s fit but, injuries permitting it wouldn’t be too different from that which started against you at the Boleyn: Green, Neill, McCartney, Upson, Ferdinand, Bowyer, Ljungberg, Noble, Boa Morte, Etherington, Cole. That’ll be 4-5-1.

Romford: Hopefully 4-5-1 with Cole upfront...with Solano and Etherington on the wings, Bowyer, Noble and Mullins in the centre and a defence of Upson, Anton, McCartney and Neill.

marcus6 :The Curbs Classic 4-5-1, Cole on his own up front.



Etherington / Boa Morte
Ljungberg / Solano


7.How do you rate Anfield as an away venue? Good day out, or good god the M6 is a bastard?

Gordon: It’s a decent day out – I just wish I had the concession for boarding up derelict buildings!

Romford: Anfield is one of my favs...and considering i've been over twenty times and not seen us win that says it all. M6 is a bar steward for most games, not something i will hold against you chaps

marcus6 :In terms of a day out, I've met plenty of people off RAWK so it's normally a laugh in the pub. In terms of the game, we're shite and get battered. Not winning at Anfield since 1963 sort of says it all really. I'll be thrilled with a point.

8.Do you have any favourite chants and perhaps any that require an explanation?

Gordon: There’s been a few John Paintsil chants “he comes from Africa. He’s better than Kaka” – he acquired cult hero status after a storming sub runout against Man U. You may hear the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang remix of Bubbles. Haven’t a clue why we do that one we just do. 

Romford: "His name is Ludo Misklosko, he comes from near Moscow, he played in goal for West Ham. When he walks down the street , everyone that he meets shouts..hey big man..whats your name ?"
My Fav is still "Hey Scouse...you've got no roof on your house"

marcus6 :The Christian Dailly one, but he's left now, so John Pantsil is our new shite cult hero. 'He comes from Africa, He's better than Kaka'

Other than that, just Bubbles.

9.Where do you expect yourselves and Liverpool to finish come the end of the season?

Gordon: Us somewhere between 9th-12th. Liverpool – depends if Benitez stays or gets the pay-off he seems to be angling for. Probably scrape 4th

Romford: You should make 4th...we will end up around 10th

marcus6 :Us, safely mid-table, nothing special. You, no idea. On form, top 4. Off form, top 6. You have got 2 teams at the moment.

10.Which Liverpool player(s) do you fear the most?

Gordon: I fear the Gerrard tactic of falling over in free-kick territory. Torres also looks a bit useful.

Romford: Torres obviously looks a threat....and how the ref plays Gerrard. The bloke is a top player but he cons the refs big time. I wish my missus went over as easy

marcus6 :Kuyt. If he makes eye contact with me, I might turn into stone. For footballing ability, Torres, or possibly Mascherano who will be out to prove a point.

11. Hammer to fall - who's your closest rival, who's the most dislike out of Fulham, Chelsea, Arsenal or Spurs? Or is it someone else unknown to us Northerners?

Gordon: Out of that lot Sp*rs. They’re closest to us and they have the funniest and most deluded of supporters. M*llwall will always have a place in our hearts, if only for going some way to proving some of Darwin’s theories of evolution. {ed:  ;D can't disagree there mate}

Romford: Our biggest game of the season is still your mates from Manchester. Spurs are probably the most hated although we have a contempt of Arsenal and what they stand for and the corruption that they have benefitted from. Their new stadium just sums it up...if anyone else wanted to build anything in that space they would never get planning permission...let alone a 60K stadium

marcus6 :Millwall are the rival, but in more than 100 years, I think we've only been in the same league as each other about 20 times. So realistically, it's our dear bagel munching buddies from North London, the Lilyshites.

12. We had that Bellamy in the back of our dressing room once, and we nearly had that Bowyer in our dressing room once and we also nearly had that Lucre Neil in the accountants office once, though I think Carra would love to get him in the back of the dressing room once or twice, how do you feel they've settled in?

Gordon: Bellamy has looked good when fit. It’s been the one major disappointment of the season for me that we haven’t been able to see a fully fit Ashton and Bellamy strike force. Bowyer’s done ok when fit – though he’s suffered from some muppet refereeing based on his reputation  in recent weeks. Neill – a little inconsistent. Part of that may be because his “escape ball” has often been into the channel for Bellamy to get on to. If Bellamy’s not there he hasn’t had that option and it’s only very recently that he’s had Ljungberg in front of him on a regular basis.

Romford: Bellamy looks the real deal when he has played, Neil has been patchy but was a big reason for us staying up and Bowyer has had a good season...hows Yossi been ? He agreed a new contract but Parry broke the tapping rules but nothing was done....funny that eh ! As for Carra...I'd put my money on Bowyer

marcus6 :I'm sure Bellamy feels right at home in the physio room! He's hardly been in the dressing room enough to upset anyone. Bowyer's been here a little while now, and he's an East End lad, so he's getting on fine, scored afew goals aswell. Neill hasn't had the best of seasons, but he's starting to improve now. I think he was struggling with being captain.

13. Tottering Hotpots' fans claim their team has a certain 'way' of playing, Newcastle's fans wish theirs did, does West Ham have a tradition of playing a certain way of football, and if so, what is it?

Gordon: We’ve always preferred to see us play fast football on the floor – we get a little frustrated when it’s hoofed long. We haven’t always had it but that’s what we like to see.

Romford: Spurs are the biggest jokers in the Prem..they employed George Graham and Gerry francis with their tactics !! They would never get a job at our Gaff. As said earlier...Curbs isn't popular due to his style of play which says it all.

marcus6 :KEEP IT ON THE F*CKING DECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14. Bobby Moore,  Billy Bonds, Sir Trev? Michael Carrick? Who's the best Hammer ever and who would you trust with a diamond necklace?

Gordon: Bobby Moore without question. I’d trust any of them with a diamond necklace. At least I could leave it in their house whilst they were at a match  - not sure I could do that with any of your current squad.

Romford: A Micky talking about  trust and Jewellery...you couldn't make it up !! Mooro actually took the can for a team mate which sums the bloke up totally. Bonzo and Sir Trev are complete Gentleman and will never be forgotten. Of the players in the last decade..Di Canio stands out.

marcus6 :Bobby Moore is the greatest player we've ever had, without a shadow of a doubt. But I think that the title 'Mr. West Ham' would have to go to Sir Trev, or Bonzo.

15.And to finish, what's the score? Care to risk a guess?

Gordon: I don’t like proper predictions in case it jinxes us. I always say 2-1 to us in our prediction league and am 14th out of 90 so if pressed I’ll go for that but I don’t mean it!

Romford: Time for a win...I'll go for 2-1 and some drunken antics down Mathew St after!

marcus6 :didn't answer...

Gordon from KUMB wins the fastest replies to a Spyin' Kop award ever, many thanks to him for that.

View Comments | Post Comment